Time for another Weekend Writing Warriors snippet. Every Sunday, I join a bunch of writers through a blog hop and post an 8-sentence snippet of my current project. You can click on the link to see what everyone else is up to.
So haven’t heard much from the bad guys yet. *Readers, meet Althod. Althod, meet readers.* Here’s a snippet where the readers get to actually hear from him directly for the first time; after all this talk about him and his Yildirim baddies, readers get their own taste of his nature.
“You summoned me, my lord?” Reubens said, his head bent low.
“What are your updates on capturing the Ice Chanter girl?” Althod said, his yellow eye staring in fury.
“I’ve tracked her down in the Charcoal Ridge hamlet and I’ve located her sleeping quarters. I also had the pleasure of discovering she has become an Animan,” Reubens replied calmly.
“Happens to the best of us I’m sure,” Althod replied gruffly. He sat there, swirling his drink in a thick mug. “What you have failed to report is what you’re doing let her nap like a dog rather than having her bark like one about Ladala’s whereabouts and war plans. I don’t care if she turns into a beast—it’s Ladala’s information I want.”
What did you think? I realized that I’m still working on what makes a villain a villain, so I’m open to suggestions or insight on how Althod can seem more sinister and conniving.
Check out other snippets here. And comment below if you’ve got a snippet to share as well!
Wow. We definitely learn a lot about him in a few simple sentences. And he is not someone I would want to cross. Also, I really applaud the world-building you managed to squeeze into this snippet. Great work!
I appreciate it, thanks! In earlier revisions he seemed more like a Scooby-Doo villain, so he’s come a long way. 😉
I’m a bit curious about how exactly Reuben discovered the girl had become an Animan! lol… great snippet. Althod definitely comes through as domineering, angry, and obviously willing to do some ugly things (torture) to get what he wants.
I wonder what ‘animan’ is. I suppose I’d have to read the book to find out.
I suppose that’s true! Although I briefly introduced the idea in an earlier snippet: http://witandtravesty.com/weekend-writing-warriors-snippet-13/
I liked the tone overall. Not sure a villain would say the “it happens to the best of us” line. Why would he remotely care? since you say you want him villainous and conniving. The rest of his dialog was much more “unfeeling bad guy”. Good snippet!
I appreciate your feedback. I meant to have the line to be more sarcastic more than anything, but perhaps sarcasm is something you have to establish over time so readers know that he doesn’t literally mean everything he says. But it’s good to know how readers like you interpret it.