Time for another Weekend Writing Warriors snippet. Every Sunday, I join a bunch of writers through a blog hop and post an 8-sentence snippet of my current project. You can click on the link to see what everyone else is up to.
This snippet is basically just Ilsi’s feelings at this part of the novel. She learns a little bit about what’s going on and how she’s a part of the politics of her world. She does everything she can to ensure she isn’t just a pawn of a game, but that she isn’t being taken advantage of. How well is she doing?
Her brow furrowed, accompanied by a small scowl on her face as she thought. It seemed like everyone was reminding her of how ignorant she was. Reminding her of how little time there was to explain, or they weren’t in the ideal location to divulge more information, or just the plain fact that she agreed whole-heartedly to a cause that she admitted she didn’t fully understand.
Her enemy was Althod. She hardly knew anything about the man except his name. She was supposed to use Swift somehow to do good and oppose the Yildirims. Apparently turning into a mermaid fit into that scheme. It wasn’t long before Reshma nudged her and brought her back to the present moment.
Check out my other snippets here. Read my next snippet next Sunday. And comment below if you’ve got a snippet to share as well!
Hi, Whitney. Loads of information in your snippet this week. 🙂
One thing jumped out at me. At the end of your first sentence, I think it might be stronger if you removed these three words: “…as she thought.”
I don’t think they’re necessary, and it also puts the snippet into a more intimate POV. Deep third. You’re pulling the reader into her thoughts without stepping back and disrupting the reading flow by stating what you’re doing. If you know what I mean?
Ack! It’s early and my comment was unclear. “I don’t think they’re necessary, and it also puts…” should have read, “I don’t think they’re necessary, and removing them also puts…”
Time for some caffeine to get my brain engaged. 🙂
Either way, I understood your suggestion and totally appreciate it. It’s always a risk to put up raw writing for everyone to see, but I enjoy suggestions, especially easy ones. 🙂
Sounds like she has her hands full and not as much information as she’d like. I wonder how much is being held back intentionally?
I like a heroine who really thinks through the tasks she’s got to do, and the reasons why she’s in the fight. Excellent twist…
Thank you! This was a major personality change that I gave to Ilsi during this particular edit. She used to either accept everything without reading the fine print and then later on react emotionally to her circumstances. It helps her and the readers know what her role is in the novel.